Focus on Being the Right Man
Lately this has been weighing on me. They say "Man is not meant to be alone." And so I go and date, and date, and ... date and ..... date........and ...
Yet I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, and going nowhere.
It's not that hard to date, right? Just go up and ask a girl. Take her somewhere fun, some place nice. Laugh, get to know each other, and enjoy.
And then become 'friends.'
Because that's where they all lead to. On the date I think it's going well. We are laughing, talking about cool things, and the date ends on a high note. And I ask if I can see them again, and I get shot down.
It makes no sense.
What can I say? I'm a really "nice guy" who they "love to be around" .... but they are not interested. Or they are but not in me. Or they are going for someone else. Or their dog suddenly needs a bath. Or they say they need to [insert item here that obviously does not need doing].
Did I mention it makes no sense?
I begin to wonder, 'Why am I doing this? Am I repulsive, or boring, or maybe I have broccoli in my teeth?" Why spend all this time one something that is going nowhere. You know the feeling. It's like buying a car that can't run, and then putting thousands of dollars and hours into it, and it's still sitting there mocking you.
They say insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results. I sometimes feel I'm on my way.
The path of Me
And so I get down on myself. And I start complaining: "Why does this have to happen to me? Everyone else around me has a great woman. Why can't I get one too. When will I have my chance? Why can't it happen to me? Why won't [insert girl's name] like me."
And it cuts and hurts. Deep down. Badly.
Then I start sinking. Battleship going down.
Yet you're probably seeing it there. It's as wide as 777 airplane. And just about as noisy.
"I" "Me me" "Mine mine mine"
Yes, that talk/thought is totally selfish. I'll admit it. It's facing inward, feeding on itself. Causing anger and hate and bitterness to form.
So what's to be done? Honestly, there's a lot that can be. What I have seen is that the strongest, meekest, and wisest people have many similarities. They:
Have a purpose and plan. Gotta know what they're really going to do. What is Most Important, and put things in their proper perspective.
Focus on what they Can Do. They lift where they stand, and do the best with what can be done.
Live in the here and now. It's all we have. They enjoy the little things, are positive as much as possible, and look for the silver lining and the best in everyone and everything.
Improve themselves, so they can take on the challenges they face. Little by little, they plan to be better.
Take a hard look at reality, and see what things they are doing wrong (and right). In my case, many times I do things that hurt me, like trying to be someone else to impress her (very bad idea), getting nervous, not focusing on her....
Focus on others. Yes. This one's very important. They have charity for everyone. They reach out. They serve. And not to look good. That's a black hole waiting to collapse on itself. No, they serve sincerely from the heart. Not expecting anything in return. (Not even a hug – though it may happen, it can't be "expected"). Humble to the core.
Do things with everything they have. Nothing holding back, with enthusiasm and joy. They really put themselves in it. To the point that they may even loose themselves in it. Truly genuine.
Accept the help available around themselves. They rely on God, wise family and friends, and other good things greater than themselves. Seeking out expert opinion is always a good thing.
Because no one is an island.
So there is my rant for the day. Hope you enjoyed it. I know things will work out, even when it's hard. But it's good to regroup and take a look at where things are. There are hundreds of other things I could put, but that will do for now.
As for girls, well I plan to keep dating. But I plan to not worry about it. But instead to focus on what is most important. I think I forget to put things in their proper perspective, only seeing what I lack, and not seeing what I already have.
And what I have yet to do.
Here's a great quote to leave you with. Enjoy!
(ie. Best to get to know them well, rather than to be in a bad situation later on)